I am that girl.
Who dreams of meeting prince charming.
Who has her entire wedding planned down to the monogrammed veil.
Who wants nothing more than to have a house filled to the brim with children and laugher.
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And that girl, this girl, is also terrified of serious relationships.
For a while, I thought that I was truly alone in this conflicted way of thinking.
Until I "met" Jamie Otis on FYI's show Married at First Sight.
{photo belongs to FYI}
As a future nurse myself I was excited to learn that Jamie is a nurse herself.
The similarities did not stop there.
I won't pretend that my life growing up was half as "troubled" as Jamie's was.
But as the weeks went on I realized that all the things Jamie wanted, I have dreamed of for years now. And the fears we share stem from past experiences.
I so badly want the perfect fairy tale, even if I have never really seen a healthy relationship.
Certain men in my life have been historical liars.
Not out of maliciousness, but almost worse, out of wanting to make me happy.
So, when Doug lied to Jamie about the cigarette I was closing off right there with her.
I thought they were doomed from then on.
Every guarded bone in my body would have shut him out completely.
Instead, that was where Jamie and Doug showed me that its okay.
Its okay to be slightly paranoid and way overly guarded.
That men out there like Doug exist and are willing to put up with a suitcase overstuffed with emotional baggage.
They fooled us all and made it work.
And, for that I am more hopeful.
Will I search for love on reality television?
Probably not.
What I will do is continue to search for love.
I will take from this show, that had me completely addicted from the first week, that love is possible. That no matter my past and the things I bring with me to a relationship, there is someone in the world willing to climb those mountains next to me.
For that I am forever thankful.
Has reality television changed your view on relationships? Good or bad?