I will be the very first person to admit that I have no idea what I am doing. I will also admit that I used my broken foot as a crutch, both figuratively and literally. When the doctor gave me the November "okay to run" date I made up my mind that he meant that things would be magically healed and back to normal by then.
No such luck.
Last night I decided I was tired of not working out and so I got out my laptop, locked myself in the extra bedroom and started Insanity. It started out alright, but as the exercises picked up I realized I was not only terribly out of shape, but also terrified. With every new move that forced my right foot to bend everything in my mind was telling me to stop.
The tape ended and I realized that I wasn't really sweating or tired.
But, I could not stop staring at, bending, touching and wiggling the toes on my right foot.
Throughout my bath and even as I climbed into bed, it became more and more obsessive. I looked for every sign that things were wrong. The smallest twinge, the slightest amount of swelling or bruising and all alarms in my head began to sound.
There are officially 6 days until November as I am writing this post. And as every day goes by I get increasingly nervous to run again. How do I know that I am not pushing it too far? I know that most people would say something along the lines of listening to my body. But right now my body is on hyperdrive, scared of every little move.
So where to go from here...
When do I shut off these thoughts and fears?