Observations From A Part-Time Floridian

First off, everyone will know that you are not really from 'around here.' Whether its the sweat rolling down your back, the way you gulp down your drinks or your pale skin, they will ask. Today, a woman went so far as to reach out and touch my skin as she asked, already knowing the answer, if I lived here. "No," I replied, "Washington"
Then we get into the whole state versus capitol debacle. To which I say, if I lived in DC then I would have said DC. Washington state thankyouverymuch.

Secondly, every old man you meet (and you meet a lot around this part of Florida) will be wearing Sperrys and a floral print shirt. Why? Someone probably told them it was trendy once. I think its hilarious. They all clearly have come here to retire and they form their own class of Floridians naturally.

Third, humidity is not your friend. I already knew this from sweaty frat parties, but Florida manages to do the same sort of thing to your hair without all the bumping and grinding. No matter how many times I twirled and pulled on my hair, the usual tricks, it continued to create its own layer of ugly on top of my hard work.

Fourth, people actually wear fall like clothing in 80 degree weather. What?! I do not know if they were born with some mutant gene, but I could not put on a pair of boots and leggings right now if I wanted to.

Fifth, Bang Bang shrimp. One hour wait. $5. Thank you.