I am going home for the first time in six months.
I am so excited.
I am so nervous for the flight.
I am filled with this odd feeling.
Doubt? Fear? Reality?
Since I have been in Nashville, it is almost as though life in the Pacific Northwet has stopped. Rationally, I know this is not true but some funny piece of my mind thinks that maybe this can be true. That, if, I pray hard enough I will find my world frozen in time like one of those ceramic Christmas villages. Of course, I know this is not true.
What I fear so much of the time is that my life there will no longer continue to be.
I am so afraid that I am walking this path miles away from home and the things I love and hold so dear will all begin to cave under the distance. I am afraid that my Nashville adventure will have been a selfish and rash decision that I come to regret.
As I pack my bags to spend a few days nestled in the safety of the evergreen mountains, I realize that all of these fears are in vain. As Deuteronomy 31:8 says:
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.
And how blessed are we for this fact.
If we can just remember throughout the fear and uncertainty in our daily journey that we do not walk through life alone, than that is comfort enough.
For me, this means trusting that God did not lead me to Nashville for nothing.
In fact, He has already shown me so many wonderful reasons He has lead me here.
The first time I really saw it was driving home from volunteering this summer. Things were a little unsettled, I had spent my birthday alone for the first time and I was hurting. On this particular hill coming home, you can sometimes see the iconic "Batman Building," and although I had always squealed in delight seeing it, on this day it struck me. The child I had volunteered with was pure joy and my favorite song was on the radio. And there, in all its glory, was that funny batman building. The last few moments of sun were reflecting brightly upon its surface as if to say, "its okay."
I remembered that I was not walking alone in this crazy journey.
It is this fact that I must remind myself of again as I sit half packed, tears rolling down my face.
The stark reality is, things have changed.
I do not have the power to control what happens at home, no matter how I try.
But I do have the power to let God lead me to where I need to be. And, above all else, isn't the greatest of all these things love?
The love I have for my favorite #littlebesties, the love for my family, for my friends.
The love for the familiarity of the pitter patter of a grey day spent indoors.
The love for the cold, crisp air.
That love is far greater than any fear I could think up.
That love is the love of God.
It will never leave, nor forsake me.
The very warmth of love allows me to clear the pathetic snot from my nose and pack one last pair of boots. I am so looking forward to that fall feeling in the pacificnorthwet. I am so looking forward to taking inventory of all the changes without any fear. I am so overjoyed with it all.
I wish you all safe travels wherever life takes you in the coming weeks.
Take comfort in the fact that you do not walk alone through it all.